harWho Am I?

I’m 46 and still can’t pee in public. I’m in denial as to ever having had gas; and I can’t say the word vagina without flinching. I worry constantly that it might not be possible for a freak like me to forge a semi-normal relationship with a human male on an island known for “hanging loose.”

Where Am I?

I live in Hawaii, which is beautiful; but residing on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean has its challenges. Being surrounded by water means dating choices are limited to the fish in the sea, and contrary to popular belief there aren’t many of them. I could date a dolphin, but the males are known for their extremely aggressive mating rituals. This leaves me with attempting to learn the courtship rituals of the American male, which is even scarier than being molested by Flipper.

What do I do?

I own a small pet sitting service, which ensures that I will not meet a mate at the office who doesn’t spend half the day publicly licking his privates. I’m a ‘twice almost published author’ who prefers to complain my unpublished ass off instead of doing what I’m told. My orders several years ago were to create a social network, a digital relevance, an online presence ie basically get perfect strangers to adore me. If I can’t get people to adore me in public how the hell am I supposed to do it digitally? Regardless, with zero fanfare here it is…my damn blog. If you would be so kind as to:

  1. Follow me, but never read anything I write.
  2. Follow me and thoroughly enjoy half of what I write and hit the like button.
  3. Follow me and just blindly hit the like button whenever you feel the urge.


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